Surrender

I'm giving you my heart, and all that is within
I lay it all down for the sake of you my King
I'm giving you my dreams, I'm laying down my rights
I'm giving up my pride for the promise of new life

And I surrender all to you, all to you
And I surrender all to you, all to you

I'm singing You this song, I'm waiting at the cross
And all the world holds dear, I count it all as loss
For the sake of knowing You for the glory of Your name
To know the lasting joy, even sharing in Your pain

What amazing words Lincoln Brewster writes in his song Surrender. They are so powerful. How is it that others can so often put my heart's emotions into words so precisely and I struggle with how to spell 'refrigerator?' Is it an o or and e - I never can remember? I so often feel like I can't say what I mean or mean what I say. However, I know when I'm standing in church reading/ singing these words, my heart longs to believe them, to live them, to allow them to change my path. My dreams, my rights, my pride...all such sticky subjects and not ones so easily given up to my Lord. But oh when I do! What a release! What a peace that I'm given in exchange!

And another thing

So two JW's knocked on my door this morning. A woman, probably 50 or so, and a young girl about 12. The girl held a Bible in her hand and the woman a bag on her shoulder. The woman began to speak and say that she lived in town and was going door to door asking this question, "with all of the terrible things going on in the world today leading to us having so much anxiety, where should we be focused, on the here and now or preparing for our future?" I told her "both." She said "yes, you're right." She offered me a brochure to which I declined and said that my hope is in Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior. She said that many people answer that way so let me read you another scripture. She said "oh its here somewhere in Psalm 11 (quickly looking, but no luck), or maybe Proverbs 11 (again quickly scanning her Bible that she had pulled out of her bag). She said, "well I can't find it now, but it says that the meek shall inherit the earth." She continued by asking me if I believed that people would be left here on earth while some went to heaven. I told her that the scripture she is looking for is found in Matthew 5 and that it really didn't matter to me one way or the other if people would still be here on earth. I was confident in where I was going. She quickly said thank you and good bye, turned around and took off.

I was a little surprised as to how fast she was willing to give up and how quickly she left my front porch, actually the threshold of my door (a little too close for my comfort). So if any one of you have encountered a JW appearance before you know that the quick 5 minutes haunts you for the entire day. I keep wondering if I said the right thing or made any impact on her at all. Will she come back bringing in the big guns? Will I be prepared? What to say? What to do? Then it hit me over dinner with a friend tonight...did I love her? Jesus says that others will know Him by the way we love each other. So, did I love her? I don't feel much like I did. If I was to, like I love my friends, I would have asked her to come inside, sit down, and have an IZZE with me. But oh the fear! To justify...first she is a complete stranger and I have my precious babies in the living room plus we're dog sitting for a friend, and second, I know she could just school me in scripture. Oh how intimidated we are as believers, as Christians. Where is our armor...where is my armor? I'm such a wuss. I teach my two year old that she can do all things through Christ who strengthens her. Who am I? Whats going on? Is there anyone else out there that can relate to just "freezing up?" I don't really think that I said anything wrong, but did I say anything right...righteous, loving, holy, pure, good? Who knows? Like all, the moment has past.

So tonight, I pray for her and her innocent bystander. I pray for their hearts to be open to truth and understanding of the gospel of Jesus Christ. As well, I pray for myself. I pray for the Holy Spirit to be alive within me moment to moment. And I pray that I use my time wisely to glorify the living God, to further be prepared to love others and present God's love, sacrifice, forgiveness, grace and mercy before them. I pray for these things to cover my life...woe is me.

Bombarded

Bombarded. It came to mind this morning as I began to read yet another website designed to update prayer worriers of a boy's progress after brain surgery not only three weeks ago. I got an e-mail from a friend back in TX who wanted me to pray for Jerrod Shelton...God answered in a mighty way and He is continuing to do so for another distant friend in TN. Copeland Farley passed away last month and yet her mother continues to share with us how she is dealing with loosing her week old baby girl. This family's testimony is breathtaking. God has used so much pain for so much good. Hundreds of bloggers have been touched by her writings, some even have come face to face with their own salvation. They have truly taken me to another place spiritually, yet I wonder, is there more? Copeland's mom wrote "the depths to which He will take us will only be matched by the depths of His character He longs to reveal." I crave for Him to reveal Himself to me in mighty ways, but wonder if there is more that I'm missing in the blessing. She hurts so desperately. She also wrote, "I also ache for the painless, for the life of ease where there was no need for the knowing." Is this me she is speaking of? Is she aching for me?

It was not until 2 years ago that my granddad died at 92 years old that I had faced loosing a loved one. I felt so blessed in that. He has been the only person remotely close to me to die. His wife is still living and will be 96 in just under 4 months. As we can all say, we never long for anyone that we know or love to pass away. I don't wish that on myself or any one else. However, I long to know the Jesus that she is getting to know. I long to know him at his core. What will that take?.......Life. And even life doesn't always bring believers to know him at his core. Who will it be? Who will be those that he says "flee from me for I never knew you." What is it to know him? If to know him is to trust him, how do I trust him. And when I do, it is not promised that I, and my family, will be protected from this fallen world. Its here and now. Its attacking. Its penetrating families, children, teens, marriages, and hearts. Its almost like I would want to buy some "Life insurance" package that allows me the knowledge to know that nothing bad will ever happen to me or anyone I know and love; meanwhile, I get to know Jesus wholeheartedly with no reservations. Wouldn't that be great? Maybe true deal in this "life insurance" package is that all of my worry and humanity is exchanged for Peace. Peace in knowing that the God of creation cares about measly little me. For whatever happens in my life's path, He cares and will bring Glory to His name, not mine. It may be the best life ever with dances through the wildflowers and/or it may stink (or as an old pastor once said "life sucks dirt"). Well, it may just do that. But for me the the exchange for my life is Peace. Peace beyond all understanding...that's just it, I don't get it. I don't get God's plan and nor should I ever. He is God. What a relief. This girl doesn't have to get it in order to gain it. He is the God that gives and takes away. Let blessing come and let His power prevail over darkness. Let healing take place. Let me be used in the brokenness that surrounds me. And let the God of the universe be revealed.

Peace over Happiness

Let our hope be not in God's provision or protection, but in His Glory!

The Alpha

Is it not just a matter of moments that we are on this earth? Life is so precious, priceless, and yet so short. As a mother of three, I'm always hearing, "they grow up so fast," and "take advantage of this time while they are little." No kidding! My husband and I always say how silly it is to say that and yet how true. I once heard a mother speak at a marriage conference say "when our children are so young, the days are long and the years are all too short."

I wanted to start this blog as I have become truly inspired by a distant friend. She started her blog as she found out that her unborn second child had been diagnosed with Trisomy 18, a rare chromosomal disorder. As her daughter turned 8 days old, she left us and went home to her maker, where there she may truly live, free from any illness. This family's story has been published on their blog and they continue to update their heart felt emotions, trials and grief. I first questioned their open door to their family, but quickly took back my inquiry as I learned of some of their postings receiving nearly 600 comments! One most recent was made by a women truly struggling with her own salvation. How awesome is God to use such a broken family through a blog, of all things, to grow His Kingdom! He is outstanding and never ceases to amazing me! Anyway, after reading and connecting with her blog family, I too wanted to belong. I want to be included in God's Glorious appearances.

Truthfully, I really don't know the half of what I'm getting myself into. All I know is that my family deserves my time to remember their fruit and labor. I want to be the one to document when our lives are touched with God's power, His majesty, His healing, and His hand as we walk through this all so short existence. Fortunately, its only a matter of moments before we will walk with our King, sit and dine with him, and share these beautiful memories with him - as He is before them, in them, and follows after them. Oh what precious moments!

Jo